You made me cry and you don't even care
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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