Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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