The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
