you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
