Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
