Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
