I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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