I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
