Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
