fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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