12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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