I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
