i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
