we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize