my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
