when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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