Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
