Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
