so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
