hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
