i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
