Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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