I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
