and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
