It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
