THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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