don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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