I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
