Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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