I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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