why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
