its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
