onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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