there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
