this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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