good thing vaginas are great cup holders
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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