there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
