soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
