The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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