Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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