I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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