Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
