In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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