He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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