The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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