i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
