So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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