you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
