I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
