AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
